Pickin' on Squirrely Girl

 Pickin' on Squirrely Girl.....

Or....Gurrrrrl, You Better Check Yourself

Dear Squirrely Girl,

Are you a doctor or a psychiatrist or psychologist? What makes you think you are qualified to give advice or that you know any more answers than Tom, Dick or Harry? You know you can get in trouble for giving people advice in public, but maybe if you told us why you think you are qualified or why we should read or listen to anything you say, that might be a start. And why are you obsessed with squirrels? Sounds like you need some help yourself.

Signed ~ A Little Skeptical

Dear A Little Skeptical (and a Little Rude),

I have no qualifications to answer anyone’s questions or give anyone advice…other than OVER A HALF OF A CENTURY of living and breathing and observing people—crazy people, strange people, good people, bad people, big people, little people, people who climb on rocks, fat people, skinny people, even people with chicken pox (sorry I have an obsession with hot dog commercials too) but people in general. Some folks ski, mountain climb, fish, hunt, swim, paint, read, and all sorts of other hobbies. I observe people. That is what I do. I can’t help myself. I observe life around me because it is just AMAZING. So I think I am as qualified as anyone else to offer my little humble opinion about things.

I am not telling people who they should love (although I probably could) or what career they should choose (although I probably should). I am giving my opinion based on years of life experience, my own stupid mistakes, my family and friend’s mistakes along with all our successes. Just like I would share a good well tested recipe with anyone, I think it is only right to share tips for having a more simple and happy life.

For instance, from the tone of your email I would think that you are one who probably questions anything that looks too good to be true. Good quality and smart move…unless of course it keeps you from ever believing anything that is true could be good.  I have found, through experience only mind you, not a degree or license, that people who have been hurt and disappointed many times in their lives usually protect themselves from that by being total A-holes to everyone. If nobody likes you, you don’t have to worry about anyone letting you down. I am in no way saying that is true in your case, I am just saying I have seen it more times than I like to count.It is a safe way to live, but not necessarily the best way to live.

Why shouldn’t I tell human kind that if someone lies to you repeatedly you shouldn’t trust them any further than you could throw Drew Carey before he lost all that weight? Why shouldn’t I tell new mothers that no matter how hard they try they are not going to get it all right and they will make some mistakes so they should just relax and enjoy the miracle of their children growing up before their eyes? Why shouldn’t I warn people that all politicians are probably lying sacks of leftover gummy worms left in the floorboard of a pickup truck on a really hot day, so there is no reason to hate one more than the other? Why? Those are a few of the questions I have for you Ms. A Little Skeptical/A Little Rude. (I know you are a female because a male would never take time to write a letter to someone named Squirrely Girl unless it was in Playboy or something.)

I don’t know Tom, Dick, or Harry. I once knew a Harold and I am positive that I know more than him. If I get in trouble for giving out valuable advice, that will be no different from any other day in my life. I once got in trouble for touching a beautiful white cotton nightgown at the Palace of Versailles in Paris, because apparently you are not suppose to touch things in fancy schmancy stores in Paris unless you are going to buy them, guess they don’t do “lay-a-way” there. (Another story I will write one day called “What to not  FREAKIN’ TOUCH IN PARIS…or 4 Rednecks do Paris”.  And I am not “obsessed” with squirrels. I am only “obsessed” with my Ninja Squirrels because they once saved me from being attacked by crazy suicidal kamikaze birds on a rare “good hair day”. If you don’t understand that, I don’t think you can be my friend and I only give valuable free advice to friends, so …see…you don’t have anything to worry about. But I do need A LOT of help. I need someone to clean my house, do my laundry and clean my pool as we speak. What time would you like to come over? Bring a A&W Root Beer, a bag of gummy worms and something chocolate. We don’t have to be friends for you to clean my house.

Best of luck to you and your future, (where you should loosen up a little, marry a circus clown and stay out of careers that involve being nice to people.)

Sincerely ~~ Squirrely Girl