I Am The First To Say I Was Wrong

Once Upon A Time….

I started working with children as a pre-school teacher at a church over 30 years ago and it changed my life forever. I was expecting my first child but I was no stranger to taking care of kids. Most of my nieces and nephews sort of ‘grew up’ with me and I was absolutely positive I was a much better parent to all of them than their birth parents. They remind me often now that they were pretty much ‘babysitting’ me the whole time and they would be CORRECT!  But I was so very blessed to be a part of their lives.

The fact is, I was only familiar with children who were loved, safe and secure most of my life until that year. That year I saw mothers bring their children to me each morning to go to jobs that did not pay enough to put food on the table or they had jobs they were not properly trained for or the basic education to ensure success and they were soon unemployed again. More importantly, I saw Annie. Of course I have changed her name for her protection but I think her story may shed some light on my ...shall we say...somewhat strong opinions. 

Annie had the biggest and most beautiful eyes that sparkled like the stars. She would crawl up in my lap and look at me with a smile I will never forgot.  Annie understands why I am discouraged tonight. Annie understands why we all must take a step back and look at things a different way.

Annie was 4 years old when I met her, her little brother and her mom. Her mom was definitely struggling with various problems. An abusive relationship, addiction, lack of education, no formal training for any job and she lived in a prison of fear and uncertainty. What I heard from many of the elders of the church was she needed to take responsibility for herself and turn from her sins. But all I could see was Annie and her little brother who did not understand any of those things.  Annie’s mother didn’t get the help she needed. The politically correct philosophy of the day said it was all up to her and that we could not help those who won’t help themselves. I believed them and soon put Annie and her brother out of my mind until about 10 years later.

I saw Annie again, this time as her counselor in a summer youth work program.  She was just as beautiful as always but did not have the same sparkle in her eyes. She was still bright and did very well and I was so happy to have the opportunity to work with her again, but six weeks of summer did not allow for the intervention that Annie and her mother still needed. The next year Annie was pregnant with her first child at the age of 15.  She faced some of the same problems her own mother faced. The politically correct philosophy of the day said it was all up to her and that we could not help those who won’t help themselves and that Annie needed to learn to take responsibility for her actions.  I believed them and soon put Annie and her child out of my mind until about 10 years later.

I met with Annie and her daughter in my office where they came for assistance because they had been evicted from their home and were couch surfing between friends and family. So many problems and barriers for them both. The political philosophy of the day said….who cares anymore what it says?  The powers that be do not look at these faces every day or every year or every ten years. If I had done the right thing by Annie‘s mother years ago. If I had realized back then …whatever I did for Annie’s mother I was doing for Annie and Annie’s children and one day their children….maybe things would be different.

Of course we have to stress personal responsibility. Of course some will take advantage of any help we give them. Of course we can never predict which ones will and which ones will not benefit from a little support. But I would much rather err of the side of too much help than not enough. What is wrong with us? Why are we so caught up in the idea that all people who need help are out to scam somebody?

I actually heard these words from a church member very recently, “We just don’t help people on welfare or food stamps anymore. It is just a form of slavery and we cannot encourage or support those people on that path.”  Really??  Did that really just come out of that well meaning wonderful person’s mouth? YES it did. And I wept. And I believe Jesus wept also. You don’t know what might have happened in any person’s life to be where they are. You don’t know if a young and inexperienced person like me might have missed the opportunity to offer the full support that the child and mother needed at the time.

God forgive me and forgive all of us who do not stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves because they might not know how. It is a sad reflection of where we are in this country when a comedian gets the whole concept more than some preachers and church members:

 “If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it” ~ Steve Colbert

If I see one more quote about welfare like “We work so you don’t have to” I am going to ask whoever repeats or post it, “What have you done personally to make sure they can work? How much time have you spent with that particular individual to find out their whole story? Have you ever volunteered to talk to them for an hour and see how you might help?”

I am not saying there are not abuses. I have done this for a very very long time. I know that exist but I can tell you it is not as broad as most think. And whose job is it to worry about that anyway? Our commandment is to offer help to those who appear to be in need of help --not to evaluate their motive. That will eventually take care of itself… I promise. There is a huge misunderstanding that those of us who seek any government grants are just adding to the problem by building a dependence on assistance programs. Most of us are not doing that, we are just acknowledging that we all need a little help here and there. I am all for people pulling themselves up by the bootstraps…I just want them to have some boots to put some straps on..is that too much to ask?

I hear the terms ‘socialist’ and ‘redistribution’ thrown around like they mean ‘robbery’ or ‘burglary’. Half the time no one even knows their true definition. Do we really believe that almost half of all Americans had rather live off handouts than to be independent and successful on their own? If we do... we are in much worse shape than we thought. Ambition may not be instilled by a drug addicted mother who never heard the word or an absentee father who has never sat across the table from his son. Have we truly lost every last semblance of empathy? And I didn’t say sympathy, we don’t need to feel sorry for people and give them charity, we need to give them respect as a fellow citizen. That does not mean saying, “Cut them off completely from any help to teach them a lesson.” That means giving them the same tools some of us had growing up and a fair chance to compete in the game of life.

People love to quote Reagan about the  “City On A Hill”…but the original quote came from John Winthrop, a Puritan leader who also said: 

For this end, we must be knit together in this work as one man, we must entertain each other in brotherly affection, we must be willing to abridge our selves of our superfluities for the supply of others' necessities. We must uphold a familiar commerce together in all meekness, gentleness, patience and liberality. We must delight in each other, make others' conditions our own, rejoice together, mourn together, labor, and suffer together, always having before our eyes our commission and community in the work, our community as members of the same body. So shall we keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace, the Lord will be our God and delight to dwell among us, as His own people and will command a blessing upon us in all our ways, so that we shall see much more of His wisdom, power, goodness, and truth then formerly we have been acquainted with.

I don’t know about you …but I think Winthrop…ROCKS!

Signed ~ Squirrely Girl