All My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready To Go

“All My Bags Are Packed I’m Ready To Go….”

Or…. NEVER leave me on my own…NEVER…

Millions of people get on airplanes every single day and fly all over the world, so obviously it is not a hard or impossible thing to do. Some people put their kids or other loved ones that need assistance on planes all by themselves without any worries and they call it “Unaccompanied Persons” without adult supervision.  Just for future reference, I should now and forever be considered an “Unaccompanied Person.”

I hate airplanes. The only thing that gets me on an airplane is when what I desire is greater than my hate and fear of airplanes. Like a sick family member, my grandkids, or a fun trip to Paris with my BFF’s.  So I find myself on airplanes and there is nothing I can do about that but gripe. So now I will gripe and that is your cue to leave this blog or stay around for the fun.  The following are a few “notes” from my flight from Ft. Walton Beach, Florida to Minot, North Dakota to see my Grands and join the Hub for a little music on the road.

July 25, 2012:

Thanks to my good friend, I got to the airport in plenty of time to have a smooth check in and boarding.  She accomplished this by doing what all my friends and family do…telling me I have to be there one hour before I actually have to be there. It normally works, depending on how many times they do it in a row,  then I catch on and they have to change it in increments of 15 minutes to keep me on my toes. (Hey, I never said it was easy being my friend or relative.)  So my dear friend drives off secure in the knowledge that not even “I” could mess this up. ( ~heavy sigh~  that’s what they always think.) But I bounce up to the counter all chipper and confident, check my bag, take my time slowly to the security line and then….the following conversation begins.

Security Person: (hereafter known as SP) Good afternoon Ma’am, I need your ID and boarding pass.

Me: Here you go right here. I am 30 minutes early you know.

SP: Yes, I see, but ..uh... Ma’am…we have a problem.

Me: Really? ( feeling a little like Houston)

SP: You just handed me your luggage receipt, not your boarding pass.

Me: Oh, no problem, here is everything they handed me…you go through it and find what you need.

(And there it was as I breathed a sigh of relief)

SP: “Ma’am we still have a problem, your license is expired.”

Me: (nervous laughter) It’s okay, I renewed my license online, there is a sticky thingy on the back.

 SP: Ma’am there is nothing on the back, I can see where something might have been there, but there is nothing there and you cannot board the plane without a valid ID.

Me: (Triple Long Heavy Nervous Sigh) Well, look at the picture, see that really bad hair day? Just like the one I am having today? You can see it is me, can’t you? Who would pretend to be this woman with the horrible hair in this picture? Who? Who? Who , I ask you WHO? 

SP: Well, Ma’am you must have a valid ID or you cannot get on the plane but you are right the hair does look the same.

Me: (~thinking~ Well, you can kiss my bad hair day butt~ ) …Well, I have my passport, will that work?

SP: Yes Ma’am that will be fine. I was worried you were not going to make your flight. You really should get that thing with your license straightened out though.

Me:( ~thinking~ and you need to learn how to keep your mouth shut about my bad hair days) Thank you so much I will check on that first thing, I promise.

And so the story should end there…but….noooooooo

I get on the plane and in my little seat and start praying as normal when I hear this:

Passenger 1:  But my seat is 5A.

Passenger 2: Well, that is seat 5A right there. (pointing at me)

Me:  I am in seat 6A ‘cause that is what my ticket says …see right here… 6A.

Passenger 3: “Ma’am you are in seat 5A ..that is seat 6A behind you.

Me:  Well, excuuuussse me. I never ask to get on this flight as an “Unaccompanied Person” to begin with.”  (Quietly and meekly getting up and switching seats)

Passenger 4: (the really nice gentlemen now sitting beside me): Ma’am, I think you have my seatbelt.

Me: “Well FINE then…just be that way. I’ll just crash and die.” 

Passenger 4: (laughing) It’s okay honey, we all have those days.”

Me:  ~sniffling~  “Thank you Sir, you are so kind. Hey, would you be my adult supervision?”

All that before I even got off the ground. And people wonder why I don’t like to fly.

Stay tuned for Part 2....."Am I The ONLY person that hears that?" .....or..."PEOPLE!!!! There Is Something Seriously Wrong With This PLANE!"

Signed A little scared,

~Squirrely Girl